How do you catch a polar bear?
You cut a hole in the ice. Then you open a can of peas. Place the peas next to the whole in the ice. When the bear comes to take a pea... you kick him in the ice hole.
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Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them, they'd break.
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Why do seagulls live near the sea?
If they lived near the bay, they'd be bagels.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
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Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
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How do you catch a polar bear?
How do you catch a polar bear?
You cut a hole in the ice. Then you open a can of peas. Place the peas next to the whole in the ice. When the bear comes to take a pea... you kick him in the ice hole.
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Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them, they'd break.
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Why do seagulls live near the sea?
If they lived near the bay, they'd be bagels.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
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You cut a hole in the ice. Then you open a can of peas. Place the peas next to the whole in the ice. When the bear comes to take a pea... you kick him in the ice hole.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them, they'd break.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why do seagulls live near the sea?
If they lived near the bay, they'd be bagels.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
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Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
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Did you hear about the nearsighted skunk?
Did you hear about the nearsighted skunk?
He tried to rape a fart.
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Why do mice have small balls?
Not that many know how to dance.
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What sound does a Horny Toad make?
RUB IT, RUB IT..
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What do you call a dog with metal balls and no hind legs?
Sparky.
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Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.
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He tried to rape a fart.
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Why do mice have small balls?
Not that many know how to dance.
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What sound does a Horny Toad make?
RUB IT, RUB IT..
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What do you call a dog with metal balls and no hind legs?
Sparky.
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Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.
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How do you know if elephants have been making love in your back yard?
How do you know if elephants have been making love in your back yard?
The trash can liner bags are missing.
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What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
You either get an onion with long floppy ears, or you get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!
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What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam."
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What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
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Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
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The trash can liner bags are missing.
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What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
You either get an onion with long floppy ears, or you get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!
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What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam."
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What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
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Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
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What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously?
What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously?
A receding hareline.
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What does an elephant use for a Tampon?
A sheep!
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How many canaries can you get under a Scotsman's kilt?
Depends how long the perch is.
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A fly sees a cute little female fly land on a pile of shit. He buzzes down and says, "Excuse me, miss, is this stool taken?"
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A receding hareline.
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What does an elephant use for a Tampon?
A sheep!
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How many canaries can you get under a Scotsman's kilt?
Depends how long the perch is.
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A fly sees a cute little female fly land on a pile of shit. He buzzes down and says, "Excuse me, miss, is this stool taken?"
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What do you call a cow with and abortion?
What do you call a cow with and abortion?
Decalfinated.
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What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender?
Rhesus Pieces.
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If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?
K9P.
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What is brown and sits in the forest?
Winnie's poo.
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What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help after it bites your leg off.
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Decalfinated.
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What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender?
Rhesus Pieces.
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If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?
K9P.
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What is brown and sits in the forest?
Winnie's poo.
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What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help after it bites your leg off.
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How do you call a barber cat?
How do you call a barber cat?
Yell..."Hair Kitty!"
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What did the man say when the steamroller ran over his cat?
Nothing. He just stood there with a long puss.
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What did the doe say as she came running out of the brush?
"That's the LAST time I do THAT for two bucks!"
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Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
Because they have cotton balls.
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What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle?
Beef Strokenoff.
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What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.
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Yell..."Hair Kitty!"
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What did the man say when the steamroller ran over his cat?
Nothing. He just stood there with a long puss.
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What did the doe say as she came running out of the brush?
"That's the LAST time I do THAT for two bucks!"
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Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
Because they have cotton balls.
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What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle?
Beef Strokenoff.
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What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.
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